Now that he's gone

Mr. Loggerhead packed his things and left.

The children cried while I hid my sadness and tried to appear strong and balanced for their sake.

This sounds like the beginning of a truly sad story. But it's not. It's a story about a loving husband and father who is doing the best he can to provide for his family.

At the moment, that means working in Texas.

He took a job pumping lagoons with his brother. They travel quite a bit as it is seasonal work requiring fields and pits that aren't frozen solid. So he won't always be so far away - only in the dead of Winter.

This spell will last a month and he'll get home just in time for T-boy's birthday. We are coping and adjusting. Only a couple days have passed since he drove out the driveway but we miss him. In fact Bee was writing notes to her daddy about missing him before he even left. 

I am quickly compiling a list of things I miss about him now that he's away:

• The sound of him cooking breakfast.
• The way I can rely on him to help with our children - especially in Fellowship Meeting.
• The way he centers me and keeps me on track with subtle reminders of what's most important in our lives.
• His goofy laughter and playful romps with the kids and our dog.
• Our frequent conversations about the dreams and ambitions we share for our house.
• Grocery shopping with him by my side - him pushing the cart and me with my hand tucked into the crook of his elbow.
• His presence by my side in the dark that keeps me from fearing burglars and things that go bump in the night.

I am hard-pressed to think of any remote benefit of his departure beyond that fact that it's the right thing to do at the moment.

The mental debate sound like this:

"Hmmm... no piles of oil and grease sodden work-clothes littering the floor of our bedroom. I could get used to that part...

...But, my dear, right about the time you give thanks for that minuscule blessing... he'll be home again and it'll be clothes covered in MANURE instead!!!"

See, no winning thinking like that!

So, I am aiming to be content.

I am trusting that this was the right choice overall even if it's hard.

I am glad for cell-phones and his daily calls to check-in.

I am thankful for everything he does for me and our family.

I am reminded of so much about his being home every night that I have taken for granted.

I am praying it doesn't snow (I'll have to scoop), that I don't break down or have to call a repairman for any reason.

I am happy my little sister has come to stay a couple weeks to help.

I am exhausted by bedtime and I lay in the dark missing him as I listen to our three children breathing.

I am all snuggled into one bed in the master bedroom with their three little blanket-warming bodies around me.

I am blessed not to be alone.

Love,
The Prairie Hen

P.S. All this choice-making and planning and packing has kept me from posting a lot recently... It's a pretty big deal for us and writing about anything else felt superficial and side-tracking... I just wasn't ready to write about it until  it was final and the dust cleared. Thanks for understanding.