Now that he's gone

Mr. Loggerhead packed his things and left.
The children cried while I hid my sadness and tried to appear strong and balanced for their sake.

This sounds like the beginning of a truly sad story. But it's not. It's a story about a loving husband and father who is doing the best he can to provide for his family.

At the moment, that means working in Texas.

He took a job pumping lagoons with his brother. They travel quite a bit as it is seasonal work requiring fields and pits that aren't frozen solid. So he won't always be so far away - only in the dead of Winter.

This spell will last a month and he'll get home just in time for T-boy's birthday. We are coping and adjusting. Only a couple days have passed since he drove out the driveway but we miss him. In fact Bee was writing notes to her daddy about missing him before he even left. 

I am quickly compiling a list of things I miss about him now that he's away:
  • The sound of him cooking breakfast.
  • The way I can rely on him to help with our children - especially in Fellowship Meeting.
  • The way he centers me and keeps me on track with subtle reminders of what's most important in our lives.
  • His goofy laughter and playful romps with the kids and our dog.
  • Our frequent conversations about the dreams and ambitions we share for our house.
  • Grocery shopping with him by my side - him pushing the cart and me with my hand tucked into the crook of his elbow.
  • His presence by my side in the dark that keeps me from fearing burglars and things that go bump in the night.
I am hard-pressed to think of any remote benefit of his departure beyond that fact that it's the right thing to do at the moment.

The mental debate sound like this:

"Hmmm... no piles of oil and grease sodden work-clothes littering the floor of our bedroom. I could get used to that part...

...But, my dear, right about the time you give thanks for that minuscule blessing... he'll be home again and it'll be clothes covered in MANURE instead!!!"

See, no winning thinking like that!

So, I am aiming to be content.
I am trusting that this was the right choice overall even if it's hard.
I am glad for cell-phones and his daily calls to check-in.
I am thankful for everything he does for me and our family.
I am reminded of so much about his being home every night that I have taken for granted.
I am praying it doesn't snow (I'll have to scoop), that I don't break down or have to call a repairman for any reason.
I am happy my little sister has come to stay a couple weeks to help.
I am exhausted by bedtime and I lay in the dark missing him as I listen to our three children breathing.
I am all snuggled into one bed in the master bedroom with their three little blanket-warming bodies around me.

I am blessed not to be alone.

The Prairie Hen

P.S. All this choice-making and planning and packing has kept me from posting a lot recently... It's a pretty big deal for us and writing about anything else felt superficial and side-tracking... I just wasn't ready to write about it until  it was final and the dust cleared. Thanks for understanding.


  1. I understand - I have a really hard time writing about "life changing" things - it seems like they never seem as important or meaningful on "paper"!

    Sending hugs your way - hoping you can keep it "together" (whatever that means! LOL!) in his absence!

  2. Hey Raimie...
    I TOOK THAT PICTURE!! Ha Ha. I'm Famous! O, Did I mention that I love your blog? :)
    Love You

  3. Love your blog too. I'm glad you're back!

  4. Dear So NOT alone,

    Oh my daughter-dear, you will do very well through this little season. I know, as it has been our experience many times. I like the idea of listing all the things you are missing. It helps you appreciate them even more when he does get back too.

    Counting down the days til the "Home-again" times

  5. Sending love and hugs. We've been there too and I know it's NO FUN! Glad you still have 3 other little bodies you can snuggle with! Pure sweetness.

  6. Been there too, and feel for ya! Flying solo makes me realize why the plan is for a mom AND a dad. Hope you're doing well, and squeezing in a bunch of extra snuggles while Mr. L's away.

  7. When I read the title of your post I was wondering what was gone....Dog, cat, fish?
    I have been very thankful that my hubby's absences are never for very long at a time. I am never very good at holding things together for any length of time. I suppose I would if I had to, and it would be easier now, with only one grown up kid at home.

  8. Thinking of you holding down the fort... I've been there. It's a hanging in there sort of journey and I know you're looking toward that light at the end of the tunnel... Not how you want to travel, but the necessary path to where you need to be. Be strong, until you don't have to any more and remember to take care of you!

  9. Awww... I'm sorry you'll will be apart for awhile. Hugs.

  10. I had read this awhile back, and meant to come back and comment sooner. John and I were just talking the other night how that it was a year ago this week, that we were saying our goodbyes. It seems like it was so long ago, but that time apart was SOOO long. It's not easy, but in strange ways it does a lot for the heart and the relationship.

    Stay strong my friend...love you!


Thank you for stopping by. Your comments make me smile.