I Am Not Okay With This

Dear Reader,

One morning last week I woke up to snow. It's October, people!

'I love winter. I mean, what's not to like about soft sweaters, hot cocoa, comfort food, sitting by the fireplace snuggling with your honey? Think about the beauty of fresh fallen snow!

I adore fall. Just think about the joys of Autumn. Who doesn't enjoy the harvest colors, the crisp morning air, having a laugh at the expense of all the crazy football fans? heh heh heh!'

Every year I think these thoughts during the hot, humid, crazy-scheduled days of Summer. And every year I forget how I feel by Spring. I forget the longing for the sun. I forget how crazy my summer self seems to it's counterpart for even entertaining the thought of wanting the seasons to change. I forget Autumn in Nebraska means the weather will be on a see-saw for three months or more. Beautiful! Nasty! Beautiful! Nasty! Beautiful! Nasty! Until I'm dizzy from watching!

So dizzy, I hide inside with the windows shut and my kids climb the walls until I try to send them to Grandma's...

'But wait! I can't take them to Grandma's because all their sweaters are in the wash and the mornings get kinda chilly, plus, due to my nagging, Mr. Loggerhead has the miserable chore of raking the leaves this weekend and I want to take 'playing in the leaves' pictures of the kids, Oh, and there is a football game so getting through town would be impossible at the moment. Maybe we can survive another couple days..'

.

Later in the week:

'Groan, I am feeling so FAT after eating all those brownies! And all these extra layers don't make me feel thinner! The kids are driving me nuts and Mr. Loggerhead and I hardly have a minute of peace to ourselves... I have got to get these kids out of here!!! (looking out the window)

Great! That won't work! The driveway is blocked with snow, the roads are icy and I'd have to scrape my windshield, T-boy and Bee both have colds, the sweaters are all dirty again! All I want to do is cozy up to Mr. Logger head and rest a minute by the firepla-- Huh? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A FIREPLACE!'

(slamming the shades down and heading for the kitchen)

"Mashed potatoes anyone? The cocoa's almost ready!"

The agony of it all. The days, weeks, months of this to get through.

I remembered all this as I stared out my window at the snow covered ground. The feeling grew stronger as the three year old begged to go outside (in his pajama's with no shoes).

Then I took moment to smile at my beautiful orange pumpkins shivering under a layer of snow.

I admired the amount of growth this little tree made this year.

"Spring will come again, little one." I wanted to tell her - but talking to trees scares the neighbors - so I didn't.

No more barefoot children creating worlds of their own behind the bushes.

I said goodbye to quiet Summer evenings rocking on the porch, the only sound; the slapping of our hands against the mosquitoes trying to eat us alive. Okay, I won't miss the bugs part!

Then and there I started wishing for Spring! What fickle creatures we humans are. So slow to see that our wish of five minutes ago has come true and so quick to wish for what we cannot have.

Fireplace or not, I'm thinking it's the snuggling with Mr. Loggerhead that will get me through. Although, some snickerdoodles and a chai tea sounds mighty good too. Care to join me?

Love,
Rae